Cooking Equals Danger
by Vegeta-Holic
Summary: Look, we all know that cooking equals danger, right? Well, today that's what Sakaki is going to find out. Complete!
1. The Begining

Disclaimer: **I do NOT own Azumanga Daioh!**

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Sakaki walked through the halls of her school, passes several doors to different classes. She smiled at the site of Kaorin running toward her. "Hello Miss Sakaki!" she greeted as she stopped infront of Sakaki. Sakaki nodded. "Hello."

"H-How are you today… Miss S-Sakaki?" Kaorin blushed as Sakaki smiled at her.

"I'm fine." she looked to her left and nodded as a hello as one of her other friends walked by. She turned back to Kaorin. "How are you?"

Kaorin's whole face flushed at this. "I-I-I'm fine." The school bell rang. "Oh! I have to get to my other class... G-Good bye, Miss Sakaki!" with that she ran off to her other class. Sakaki went back to her normal face, and kept on walking to her class.

After a minute or two, she finally reached the class. Inside were her friends Tomo, Yomi, Chiyo, Kagura, and of course, Ayumu, better known as Osaka. When it came time to get new classes earlier that year, Kaorin's nightmare came true... She had to go to a different home room. A home room _without _Sakaki.

"Yo, Sakaki!" Tomo called as Sakaki walked into the room. "Hello." Sakaki greeted.

"Have you seen Miss Yukari?"

Sakaki shook her head. "No. I haven't. Sorry." Tomo grinned. "Aw it's okay!" she slapped Sakaki on the back. Sakaki's eyes bugged out. _.:Oww...:._. Just then the door flung opened. Enter the sleepy teacher!

"…" Yukari walked into the class room, once again looking as if she's been awake for 5 days without sleep. "Hey! Yukari baby!" Tomo called as their teacher walked up to her desk as sat down, sorting a pile of paper that was sloppily placed on her desk. The tests of her students that she was supposed to grade a day before. Tomo sweatdropped. She turned to Yomi, whispering. "Ya think she stayed up late again?" Yomi sighed. "She always stays up late." she whispered back to Tomo, twitching. Tomo nodded, "True, true...".

"-_yawn_- Alright students.." Yukari spoke up, "Today……" she paused,.. "Today, we cook."

Everyone stared wide-eyed. "**_C-cook!_**" Tomo exclaimed. "But this isn't the cooking class!"

Yukari nodded, "I know."

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I'm so sorry that this was a short chapter. -bows- Next chap should be a little longer XD 


	2. Crab!

Disclaimer: **_I DON'T OWN AZU OKAY?_**

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Tomo just blinked, still wide-eyed along with everyone else. Sakaki twitched. Cooking wasn't her…._best_, subject.

Yukari looked over at Osaka…The only one without wide-eyes. Yukari got up from her desk and walked over to Osaka, curling up a magazine in her hand on the way.

"Zzzz…Zzzz…Zzzz…-snort-…" a trail of drool hung from the side of Osaka's mouth. Yukari walked up to the side of Osaka's chair and tapped her foot. "…Oh, Osaka, I'm ever so sorry about this…" she said, sarcasticaly. She tapped her foot a few more seconds, then…-**WHAM!**-….

She hit Osaka over the head. Hard.

"O.O" Osaka woke up immediately. "WhatImiss?"

"Almost the whole class!"

"Wow…"

Yomi sweatdropped. "It's only been about five minutes Miss Yukari."

Yukari looked to Yomi. "Yeah…But it's not like I'm gonna be talking to you while you spill and stir every cooking item in the world, eh?"

Yomi blinked. "Every cooking item?"

"…well maybe not every cooking item." she looked away from Yomi. Yomi sweatdropped again.

Chiyo raised her hand.

Yukari walked back to her desk and sat down. "Yes Chiyo-chan?"

"Um, Miss Yukari…What are we going to cook?"

Yukari blinked. "Uhhh…" Everyone sweatdropped. "We're going to cook…._CRAB_!" Chiyo anime fell. "Crab?"

"Yes...Crab."

1 hour later

"M-Miss Yukari?" Osaka looked up from the table she and Chiyo were cooking at.

Yukari looked over at her. "Yes, o faithful student of mine who is cooking some crab for me today?"

Osaka blinked, processing everything her teacher just said. "Uh..When're we gonna stop?"

Yukari sighed, "Whenever you all finish my crab!"

Tomo spoke up, "You're crab! I think we should have some of the crab too, huh! I mean…We're making it!" Everyone nodded at this. Yukari sweatdropped. "Well you are the students, and I am the sensei…**SO IGET THE CRAB!**"

"That makes no sense!"

"If you were me, it would."  
"But I'm not you!"

"Exactly."

Tomo sweatdropped along with everyone else. "This is going to be a looong cooking session.." Tomo sighed and went back to preparing the crab.

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Hope you all like this so far? Should I keep writing, or should I chop my hands off due to this fic? PLEEEEEAAAAAASE REVIEW! 


	3. Dun dun DUN

Disclaimer: I **don't** own Azu…Never have, never will.

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Sakaki looked down at the dead crab infront of her. _.:What do I DO:._ She had no clue what-so-ever how to cook crab. And Yukari wasn't helping at all. All she was doing was walking around and swatting people across the head with a magazine. 

Sakaki poked the crab. "-gurgle gurgle-". Sakaki stared. "O.O;" the crab was still alive… She raised her hand. "Teacher…?"

Yukari turned around from swatting another student. "Yes Sakaki?"

"Um…I think it's…still alive." Sakaki pointed to the crab, which had foam coming from it's mouth. (A/N: Crabs do that all the time)

Yukari walked over, "Oh.. Well will ya look at that." she smirked. "I can fix this." she raised the magazine in the air, ready to hit the crab infront of her. Sakaki closed her eyes. Seeing an animal of any kind get killed is not pleasing in her eyes.

"-SPLAT!-"

Sakaki opened one eye and gasped. Everywhere. Crab was everywhere. _.:EECK:._

Yukari had splat the crab all over the place with the magazine. "Hm. That didn't work as planned." she frowned.

30 minutes later

After cleaning up all the crab, of which Yukari didn't help with, even though she was the cause of the mess, everyone went back to _trying _to cook the crabs they were givin. Now Sakaki was givin a partner to help her. Kagura. Of course.

"Hey Sakaki…" Kagura started as she beat some crab meat into patties.

Sakaki looked up from, grossly, picking apart a crab. "Yes?"

"How've you been doing with those cats?"

"The cats…? Fine." Sakaki blinked.

"Really now. Then how come you have all those bandages on your hand?" she poked said hand.

Sakaki flinched. "…they still bite me. But that doesn't mean everything's not fine." she ripped a leg off the crab.

"Hm, whatever. Lets get to cookin' this crab!"

Sakaki nodded. "Let's."

15 minutes later

"Good…..Lord….." Yomi looked around the room. It reeked of burnt crab and oil. And there were several small fires going on right now. She sweatdropped. "Miss Yukari?"

Yukari turned to face Yomi. "What is it, Yomi?"

Yomi's glasses shined, "When're we going to be done? This is taking a…long time." She twitched.

Yukari smirked. "Once every crab is cooked."

"_Every_ crab?"

"Yup."

"This is gonna take a while…"

"-rumble rumble pop!-" Yomi and Yukari turned around. "What was that?" Yomi questioned.

Yukari blinked, "I'm not sure."

"-rumble pop crack!-"

"Whatever it is, it's coming from over there…" Yomi pointed over to….Ah, of course, Sakaki and Kagura's table. Yukari walked over. "What's going on here!"

"-RUMBLE pop snap POP!-" Kagura and Sakaki backed away from the table.

"K-Kagura put some spices into the patties and then put them on the burner…..Then it started making those…noises.." Sakaki pointed to the burner of which she was speaking of. Yukari looked down at it and gasped. "KAGURA YOU IDIOT!"

Kagura twitched. "Y-yes, ma'am..?"

"Are THESE the spices you put on the patty?" she picked up a jar from the side of the burner and shoved it in Kagura's face. She nodded, "Yes M-Miss Yukari."

"KAGURA THIS ISN'T SPICES IT'S-"

"-POP **SNAP** CRACKLE!-"

"Oh no." Yukari backed up from the burner. "EVERYONE HIT THE DECKS NOW!"

"But what about the crab?" a random student spoke up.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but….FORGET THE CRAB! ON THE FLOOR, NOW!" she flew to the floor and covered her head. As did everyone else, besides Osaka.

Chiyo grabbed her arm and pulled her down. "Osaka you have to come down here!" she crawled underneath a desk.

"Okay." Osaka did the same. Chiyo sighed, _.:She worries me so much.:._

"-**CRACKLE CRACKLE SNAP!**-"

"Brace yourselves!" Yukari closed her eyes.

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Hah! Cliff-hanger! Can you guess what Kagura put in the crab patties? -giggle- Please review! 


	4. Hoo boy

Disclaimer: I don't own Azumanga Daioh and I shall neva own it!

"-BOOM!-" The room exploded.

5 minutes later

"-cough cough-" Yukari coughed as she sat up in the rubble. "Man.."

Everything was destroyed. The classroom, the hallway outside of the classroom. The desks. The burners. And the crab. _Especially _the crab. Several things were aflame, and others things weren't even there anymore.

A low moan came from the other side of the room. "Huh?" Yukari looked to that side of the room, where the door was. "MR. KIMURA!" she gasped. Kimura must have been entering the room when it exploded. "-cough hack- H-hello Miss Yukari!" he waved.

Yukari sweatdropped. "Well you seem fine."

"Dandy as ever, Miss Yukari! Let me guess,… You were cooking something up for me?"

"Wrong. I was maki, uh, helping, my class make some crab for…some friends." She nervously laughed.

Kimura stood up. "Well I best be going now, Miss Yukari. Good day!" he walked off to…somewhere.

"Weirdo." Yukari said under her breath.

Kagura sat up. "-hack- W-what did I put in, M-Miss Yukari…?" she blinking, waving her hand infront of her to get rid of the smokey smell.

"You…You…YOU PUT FLINT IN THE PATTIES!" Yukari stomped over to her and beat Kagura over the head with a randomly found object.

"Ow ow ow ow!"

"WHERE, DID, YOU, GET, THAT!" Yukari stopped hitting her, waiting for an answer.

"I-I got it…In the science lab…Osaka said that's where some spices where!"

Yukari growled and sweatdropped. She turned to Osaka. "YOU!" she pointed and ran over to her, beating her over the head with that randomly found object.

"I'm-ow, sorry-ow, Miss-ow, Yuk-ow-ari!" Osaka closed her eyes in pain.

"YOU BETTER BE!" Yukari stopped. She turned to face the other students who were arising from the rubble. "Now, none of you are going to tell Nyamo about this RIGHT?" she death-glared them all.

"O.o;" they all nodded, slightly frightened.

"Good." Yukari smirked.

"Uh, I already know, Yukari." a voice came from behind them.

Yukari turned around. "….uh….ah…uhm….THIS IS ALL OSAKA'S FAULT!" she pointed to Osaka.

"What I do!"

"YOU'RE the one who told Kagura that spices were in the science lab!"

"I-I'm sorry!"

"YOU BETTER BE!" Yukari glared at her, again.

Osaka gulped and nodded, running over to Chiyo and, kinda, hid behind her. Chiyo sweatdropped. "So I guess we're gonna clean this up, Miss Yukari?"

Yukari nodded. "Yep. ALL OF YOU ARE GONNA CLEAN THIS PLACE UP RIGHT?"

"O.O" students ran everywhere trying to get to the right cleaning equipment.

"Good." Yukari grinned evilly and turned to Kagura and Sakaki. "And you two.."

"I didn't do anything, Miss Yukari." Sakaki twitched.

"Suuuuure you didn't…" she cracked out a random whip. "NOW GET CLEANING!" she whipped near their feet.

"AH! Hey I need those!" Kagura screamed while trying to run away from Yukari's whip.

"TOO BAD! GET TO WORK!" Yukari cackled.

Sakaki cringed. "This is going to, OW, be a long….day………………..OW!"

End


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